Shame is a strange thing. It brings up things we’ve done that we’d rather forget, and then makes us bury them deep inside of us. It cripples us from being able to be open and honest, and prevents us from telling others what God has done in our lives. You know what else? It is also unnecessary.
As a Christian I believe that God has forgiven me but I sure don’t act like it sometimes. I hide things that I’ve done thinking that I need to look like I’m perfect. I try to act like I’ve always had my life together, but the truth is I’ve fallen apart at the seams. I’ve been through things that not many people know about, and I hide those because I’m ashamed.
Here’s where the problem is, because of what I went through God has drawn me so much closer to Him and taught me so much. Why should I keep from telling people what He’s done in my life? Won’t my failures show His greatness? Won’t my scars show His healing power? There is no reason for me to hide His glory.
It comes down to this, when Jesus died on the cross He took my sins upon His shoulders. He died for my sins. When He was buried He took my sins to the grave with Him, and when He rose, He left them there. My sins are still in the grave, and they’re not coming back. I’m innocent. Romans 8:1-2 says: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.” That means that I am forgiven of everything I have ever done.
It doesn’t stop there. My sins are in the grave, but God gave me something else. Jesus lived a perfect life and when I became a child of God, He imputed His righteousness to me. So when God looks at me He doesn’t see what I’ve done, and the sins I’ve committed, rather, He sees Jesus’ righteousness. When the Father looks at me He sees His Son. I am counted as righteous because of what Jesus did.
Whatever I have done has been washed away by the blood of Jesus Christ. So why should I be ashamed to bring God glory? Shame is a lie. A tool used by the devil to make us doubt God’s forgiveness. And I have been subject to it for far too long. So as a statement of me dropping my shame, I’d like to tell you how God used my pain to teach me and show His healing power. You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to, but it’s here if you wish.
I have always been a type-A person. I am a perfectionist and a control freak. As a result of that I tend to plan out everything. When I was younger that took form in planning my entire life. I built my own kingdom and not God’s. I never stopped to ask God if it was what he wanted for me. I thought I was in control of my life. As it goes, when you don’t follow God’s plan it doesn’t go well. I started to see my kingdom crumble. My dreams were all failing, and I had no idea what was going to happen. I was terrified, and I was very acutely aware that I was not in control. As a result of this I went through a period of deep depression. My plans had failed me, and I didn’t see how I was going to make it. Everything I had built my life upon had crumbled, because I built it on the wrong thing.
Through this time God used friends and mentors to encourage me even though they had no idea what was going on. By the grace of God I’m still here. Through that time He taught me that my plans will fail if they are not God’s plans. He has shown me that I need to rest in Him because He is all sufficient and can take care of all of my needs. He showed me pretty harshly that I am not in control and am not self-sufficient, and I am very grateful for that even though it hurt. I would been nowhere near where I am with God if it hadn’t been for what I have been through. My plan failed, but God’s plan has taken me to places I never thought I’d be with friends that have changed my life. God shapes heartache into beautiful growth. I would not change a thing that has happened in my life, because although it hurt, it has brought me closer to God then I have ever been. I have learned and am learning to trust and rely on Him for everything. God will provide, God will comfort, and God will always be there.
2 Corinthians 1:11: “He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us,”
Shame is not an easy thing to get over. It has been years since I struggled with depression, and it has just been this year that I have begun to share what God has done in me. Even as I type this I am rethinking it, but if God will receive glory, then let the world see my scars. My only hope for my testimony is that God will receive glory. I can’t have any thanks, because I didn’t do anything. The only thing I did was lead myself to a pit. My one request as your read this, praise the one that brought me out of the pit and can do much more. Thank God for forgiveness.